What is Role Playing in BDSM? A Video Primer with Tawney

Role playing can spice up your relationship but how do you get started? Betty's resident BDSM sexpert Tawney Seren will give you some great tips on how to bring role playing into your relationship and your playtime. 

 

Tawney Seren is a product reviewer, toy expert, author, blogger, and performer with over a decade of experience. Reigning from the Pacific Northwest, Tawney enjoys educating about self-health, sex, and the adventures we go through to obtain sexual happiness. She is a lover of sweets, roller derby, and a great many nerdy fandoms.

Video Transcript

Hey everybody its Tawney Seren here with Naughty Betty's and today we're going to talk about the beautiful world of role-playing. What is role-playing why is it fun what are some awesome role plays that you can engage with your partner or partners.

This is a really really exciting thing that you can do in your relationship but it's important to navigate it appropriately like all things in BDSM, in life, in our other relationships. Whether you're doing a dominant or submissive role, whether you're entering a fantasy world altogether these things require consent.

So before I get too deep into what it is why we do it, make sure that if you're going to embark on an adventure of roleplay with your partner that you sit down, you discuss the roles, you discuss what can or cannot be done, and you have a safe word in place.

Consent is important. Safe words are important, especially if you're going to take one of these more extreme roleplay ideas and play that out in the bedroom. Because truly there's nothing worse than saying sure let's roleplay and not talking about that further and having something be done to you or have you be spoken to in a way that you did not consent to and could kind of mess with the way that you look at role-playing. Things can be ruined so easily if we do not make sure to have consent in conversations and have that communication with our partners.

So, what is role-playing?  Role-playing is a wonderful way to step outside of your mind, outside of your box, and take on a role or do things that you wouldn't normally do so.

Some a little bit more mainstream examples would be like master and maid, would be the college co-ed kind of schoolgirl fantasy. We've seen plenty of situations in the past been prisoner or doctor or things that you don't want to actually have in real life, things that are not okay in real life, but you are playing them out in a safe and consensual setting with your partner.

You're taking on that role. Maybe you're talking like them, maybe you're dressing like them, maybe you're even going the extreme and going out to a bar and pretending you've never met your partner before and you're picking them up for the first time. This can be a way to get out of the normal stresses and hesitations in your life, in your relationship, and really get into that imagine, like imaginative headspace that you're not normally in with your partner.

I personally love roleplay It is such a way to step away from stress for me where I'm playing a completely different person and oftentimes with that I can get a different sense of confidence that comes with it .If you're playing a different role you're acting and for a lot of people that can lead you to saying and  doing things you wouldn't normally do and it's a fun way to act that out.

Now for others it can also be incredibly nerve-racking to consider playing a role that's outside of your own. A lot of people think of that “I'm here to clean your pipes” sort of a thing and they just start laughing automatically. They don't see how that could be sexy or a flawless situation with your partner.

I believe there's a lot of different ways that you can kind of get into it, but I believe the why do we roleplay it does have a lot to do with that stressors. You're able to act things out that are a part of your imagination. You're able to access different things. You're able to enter a different mental and physical space with your partner that isn't normal because you're playing other characters.

In BDSM you can do lifestyle BDSM and there's also some people who enjoy dabbling in BDSM and might start by role-playing. No matter which case again consent conversation it's very very important.

Now if you're doing lifestyle it's a bit different. I'm going to talk primarily on the role playing casually side of things. If you're looking to kind of get into BDSM and you know that jumping into a submissive or dominant lifestyle is something that you need to learn, it's something you need to experience slowly. You can't just go from nothing to dominate. There's a lot to learn.

So, if you're wanting to dabble in it, role play is a great way to do that. You can discuss with your partner like “I would like if you're comfortable you to be a dominant.” “I'm okay with you doing the following, calling me these following names, not calling me these names, using this amount of force with me, not using this amount of force with me.” “You can do bondage on me. You can do these things. Or let's pretend that you're coming home, and I've been naughty and you're punishing me.” Things of that nature.

It can be really really fun to practice getting into that character without realising that you might have to act that way a majority of the time. You're not taking it on as a lifestyle, you're role playing. It's fun, it's playful, and if you're like me and you're a switch, it's a great way to experience both sides of the coin depending on what your partner is in the mood for.

I highly highly recommend role-playing if you're looking to add that little bit of a spice, if you're looking to get outside of your comfort zone in a way that's still within your control. It can be, again as I mentioned before, a great way to step out of the normal stresses of life because you're entering into a different persona, you're entering into a different character.

So, a few other things to kind of keep in mind with role-playing. If you're taking on a more extreme role play in BDSM, if you are taking on a dominant role, there still needs to be a safe word. BDSM is all about safe, sane, consensual. You need to make sure that you never take it too far and say slap your partner because that can be incredibly triggering to a lot of people. Physical contact while being demeaning or saying these things can be a big turn-on, but it also can turn someone off incredibly quick.

You need to make sure if you are doing a dominant and submissive role play that you know the limitations that you know what is going to bother your partner. I recommend starting very very base like start with two lines that your partner would like to hear you do in one little scenario and then grow from that. If you already know that they like the whole “I come home from work and I’m gonna tie you up to punish you and spank you,” maybe just do that then bring in some variety. Bring in some more character growth with it.

I believe that the best role plays are ones that you've worked on for a long time. I've got a few that Kyle and I will go out and we'll do. When we know the song and dance and it's fun and it's relaxing and it puts us in that different mindset and makes us kind of try some new things we wouldn't normally because we're in that mentality.

It's a lot like LARPing. So, if you don't know what LARPing: is live-action role-playing. You might see some people in fields or courtyards and stuff like that and they are decked out in their weaponry and they're battling each other with no care as to who's watching or what's going on. And a lot of times people might think that's silly that's whatever but if you're like me, it's like the ability for them to create their character and use that as a stress release and go out and do something physical with. That is something that's admirable. It's something that I think is tough for some people to get into that and not feel shy and not feel uncomfortable but if you're going to be vulnerable with somebody why not have it be your partner or partners. I think that role play can be a great way to add that extra set of vulnerability while you're kind of expressing these fun roles.

So, I'm going to give you a few examples of ones that I think are fun. I mentioned a few at the beginning but here's a few extra. I will summarize it here because I think that you should bring role-playing into your relationship and have some fun with it.

Ones that I really enjoy or for instance: having Kyle go and pick me up somewhere, absolutely. He doesn't know me. Have that sort of first fun interaction. You're stimulating that new exciting adventure of needing somebody. In doing that too I love doing of course submissive and dominant play.

Another way to get into this is DL play which I will go into in further videos here at Naughty Betty's. So, if you're not sure what that is you know there's daddy little play. I'll definitely go into that more and break that down for you.

Pet play can be a great way to role play. What is pet play? Again, it'll be something I go into in more detail but mentally transforming yourself into a creature with no stresses, no needs, that is just following the orders of their master essentially.

For a very generalized summarized term with that, I enjoy doing the maid and master. You know it is kind of a play on the submissive and dominant play where you could be cleaning in an outfit and they come home, and you've got that that excitement.

A lot of these are ones that you can watch porno, if you enjoy watching porn with your partner, check out some with these role plays. Some of them are quite common and they can help get you a bit in character. I also recommend, and this really works for me, I recommend playing characters and scenes from television shows, movies, or books that you've both watched together. If you're really on a kick you know you're watching - I'm going to throw out Witcher, it was the most recent one - you're watching a show and you're liking these characters and there's some sort of sexual scene that you enjoy, start with replicating that scene you'll find that it becomes easier and easier to take the part of those characters, that mindset, that setting, when it's something that you're already familiar with fantasizing about and something you both have kind of embarked on.

So, there's some little ideas. A little bit of information about role-playing. I really hope if you're curious about it that you decide to give it a try. I provided a link to Naughty Betty’s below where there's a lot of different bondage gear. There's masks, there's outfits, there's ways that you can kind of enter into role-playing with your partner and I think that it makes it often easier when you can fully immerse in it and you're setting that up. But don't forget - discuss it first. Grab that safe word and then I hope you have a very safe and sexy journey with each other. Thank you all so much I’m Tawney Seren and i will be back with more education about BDSM can't wait to share it with you. Bye everybody