Sexpert Spotlight Series with Emma Austin
Meet one of Betty's Sexperts and the blogger behind Love, Emma, a sometimes confessional, always honest blog about sex and everything related to it.
How did you get started in your career writing about sex and relationships?
In a way, it started out of boredom. I was a stay-at-home mom and my husband was always working. I wanted some excitement, but not the kind of excitement that meant I would leave the house. So, I decided to write some erotica. I figured I could do it from my bedroom and if I was lucky, I could even make a bit of money.
I’d always been passionate about sex, so it was the first subject I thought about. I got really frustrated with all the restrictions that the Kindle platform put on erotica writers. Getting your book seen and discovered is really an uphill battle because they kind of bury all the titillating stuff.
I decided to write a blog post about that and soon, I started coming up with more and more blog post ideas. I was getting a lot more traffic and success than I ever saw as an erotica writer and lots of people were telling me they found my articles genuinely helpful. So, I just kept going. It’s been more than two years now and I don’t have any plans of stopping!
What do you enjoy most about what you do for a living?
It’s so hard to pick one thing because it really is the perfect job for me.
There’s the fact that I get to write about things I genuinely love. I get to express myself in a way that feels honest and isn’t compromised. I get to use my voice, my sense of humor, and I have complete control over the work I create.
I also find it really rewarding to hear from people who tell me that my work is helping them have better sex, has made them feel seen or understood, and has helped them figure out their identity in some ways (I hear from other middles, sexual submissives, demisexuals, and women with low sex drive who found my work when trying to figure themselves out). And of course, I get to try sex toys, watch porn, and have orgasms for a living. I can’t think of a better job perk than that!
What kind of feedback do you get from those who listen to your podcast or read your blog?
It’s all over the place - in a very good way!
From my blog, I get a lot of people who need advice related to the things I’ve written about. Anything from vaginismus and phimosis to sub drop and open relationships. I also regularly get DMs from people (especially women, but some men too) who tell me that something I wrote was extremely relatable to them - I always feel incredibly happy when I get one of those!
People who listen to the podcast tend to tell me they love the energy and the chemistry I have on air with my husband. And quite a few couples listen to us and tell us the podcast sparks a lot of conversations and helps them open up to each other about their fantasies and preferences, which is just awesome.
A few people have also told me the podcast makes them horny, which caught me by surprise because I don’t think of it as an erotic podcast (but I’m all for people feeling good, so I’m glad they’re getting something out of it!)
How has doing the Pillow Talk podcast with your husband Jake changed your relationship?
Well, the podcast started with Jake and I having long conversations about sex and all sorts of sex-related stuff. One day, he suggested we record some of them and release them as podcasts. So, in a way, Pillow Talk didn’t change a whole lot because it’s the pillow talk we were having anyway. The biggest change is that we now work together. We spend time workshopping ideas, recording, scheduling, responding to listeners, and now coming up with merch ideas and bonus material for our Patreon. And having a project to work on together has given a lot of extra quality time, which is really nice.
Best advice for parents in broaching the subject of sex and relationships with their kids?
Do it! I’ve learned first-hand that you need to talk to them about sex before you think they’re old enough to talk about sex. I thought I still had a couple of years to go before my oldest son would even get curious about sex. And then I looked at the search history on his iPad and he had been Googling “lap dance” several times a day. So, yeah, don’t wait!
It’s also important not to dismiss kids’ questions. These conversations can be so awkward, so I completely understand the temptation to just say “that’s grown-up stuff” and put a pin in it until they’re older. But when kids ask a question, they’re ready for the answer (and if you don’t give it to them, they might look for it elsewhere - hence those lap dance searches!)
Having an actual conversation is important, too. My mother didn’t really have the sex talk with me - she just handed me a book about sex and told her I could ask her any questions if I had any. I had tons of them (the book was really confusing!) but there was no way in hell I was going to bring them up to my mom. I’ve found it really productive with my kids to just sit with them, ask them questions, and let them ask some in return - it gives you a quick sense of what they’re curious about, what confuses them, and what they need to know.
What do you wish the world understood about sex and pleasure?
So many things - it’s why I keep writing!
My goal is always to normalize sex, take the shame and taboo out of it, and encourage people to be more open about it.
Sex is something almost all of us do, but very few of us spend much time talking about it - including with the people we have sex with!
But it feels so much better to be open and candid about it. Ever since I started being completely and totally open, especially with my husband, I’ve felt so free. It helps you have way better sex, more pleasurable masturbation, and a heck of a lot less embarrassment and shame.
What is a little known fact about you?
Because I write and podcast about my personal life, I feel like anyone who has followed me for a while knows just about everything there is to know about me. I’m shy, but I’m an open book.
I think there’s one thing I didn’t mention anywhere yet, though.
I really like watching videos of ship launches. I have no idea why, but I think they’re so cool.
And when I’m in the mood for something a little more exciting, I’ll look for ship launch fail videos. (I really love disaster movies, and those are kind of a safe real-life version of those!)
So, yeah, I guess that’s one thing no one knew about me - until now!
What do you want to most be known for?
I guess I’d want to be known as the porn lady. I want to do my part to normalize pleasure. And lots of people have done tons of great work in normalizing sexuality, masturbation, sex toys, and kink. But I don’t see as many people covering porn in the same way, and there’s still a lot of stigma around it.
I love porn. It’s extremely entertaining and a great way to fantasize, get aroused, and get off. It’s a completely respectable profession and a creative field like any other. And I wish there was more open, shame-free, positive discourse around it.
By reviewing porn, writing about it, promoting, and talking about it on the podcast, I’m hoping I can do my part to get rid of the idea that porn is sketchy, that it’s just for men, and that it’s harmful to relationships.
We know the answer, but have to ask, what is your favorite pleasure product of all time and why?
There’s so much to love about it! It’s the first wand that worked really well for me because the vibrations can get really high and intense, but also fairly low and gentle. That’s important for me because I’m really sensitive. I’m a “stick to the first and second settings” kind of gal when it comes to sex toys, and most wands are too strong for me. But this one is perfect.
I also really enjoy how rumbly the vibrations are. The shape and size are just perfect. And the spinning tail is meant to be insertable, but it also feels really, really good when you rotate it around your clit.
It’s just plain fun - I can’t get enough of it!
Where can our readers find you online?
They can find me on my blog Love, Emma, where I post articles about sex a few times a week.
They can also find the Pillow Talk With Emma Austin podcast through any podcast app. Every Wednesday, I release a new episode where I talk to my husband about sex and whatever else comes up.
I'm also on Twitter, Instagram, and I have a Substack newsletter that comes out every Sunday.
