SEX OVER 50: How to Keep the Spark Alive

As our bodies age, maintaining an active and healthy sex life can become increasingly difficult. Keeping the spark alive means wading through some of the issues that, for many of us, come with ageing. Decreased mobility, menopause, erectile dysfunction, health problems, medications that may interfere with our libido. The list goes on and gets longer, the older we get.

Being over 50 means we didn’t grow up with online shopping or ready access to the internet through a good chunk of our lives, which also means we didn’t grow up with easy access to sexual health information, or to sex toys. Luckily, times have changed and if you are looking with help to keep that spark alive, the first and foremost thing we recommend is this:

ASK QUESTIONS AND COMMUNICATE

Many sex toy stores, Betty’s included, have come a long way from those seedy “dirty stores” we all remember from our youth. We have a mission to educate folks on how sex toys can do much more than just give you an orgasm. We hear from folks every day looking for help with various issues. Vaginal dryness, premature ejaculation, painful sex, and on and on it goes. Trust us when we tell you that you are not alone. Sometimes we can give you some simple ideas or recommend a product that can really give you the help you’ve been looking for.

USE GOOD QUALITY LUBRICANT

Lubricant is an absolute must in everybody’s toy drawer, but particularly if you’re over 50. It helps with penetration when your or your partner’s body isn’t creating enough of its own – which is completely normal at this age, by the way. It also opens the door for all kinds of fun if you’re not up for penetrative sex: hand jobs, clitoral stimulation, anal fingering, frottage, and the list goes on. Lubricant is also a fantastic tool to help sex toys feel more comfortable, from vibrators, to cock rings and penis enhancers.

RETHINK WHAT YOU CONSIDER “SEX”

If sex is all about penetration for you and your partner, maybe it’s time to start thinking outside of the box. Yes, penetration is a familiar and tried and true way to experience pleasure but what about mutual masturbation? Watching each other is incredibly sexy and allows you both to be comfortable and close without worrying about positions and timing. Try using a finger vibrator or stroker on each other to heighten arousal.

TRY A CLITORAL STIMULATION GEL

Clitoral stimulation gels rely on ingredients that cause a warming or cooling sensation directly on the clitoris in order to help stimulate natural vaginal lubrication. Exsens makes some lovely ones with great flavors for you to explore. We recommend using them very sparingly and using them on your own the first time to see how your body reacts.

SPEND SOME EXTRA TIME GETTING THE BLOOD FLOWING

Reduced estrogen and testosterone, plus decreased blood flow and sensitivity means we are slower to arouse as we age. Thinking of sex as a marathon rather than a sprint can help. Vibrators can get the blood flowing to the penis or clitoris and throughout the pelvis. A penis pump can help draw blood in and a simple cock ring can help keep it in the penis for longer.

CONSIDER USING A HOLLOW STRAP-ON

So many folks experience forms of erectile dysfunction after 50 and if that’s you or your partner, please believe that you are not alone. A hollow strap-on is fantastic if you can’t get an erection at all because you can still penetrate your partner and bring them that pleasure, but they are also fantastic if you have premature ejaculation. Climaxing before your partner is a big cause of stress that can also affect performance, but when it happens, you can simply slip on a hollow strap-on and keep going all night!

USE A SEX POSITIONING CUSHION OR RAMP

Sore backs, knees, and other aches and pains are a part of getting older. Liberator makes lovely ramps and wedges that can help by boosting your lower back or protecting your hands and knees in your favorite positions. They are attractive and come in several lovely colors to blend in with your décor. A prop like the Liberator Jaz or Pillo by Dame can be used as much in the bedroom as it can in an office chair for your lower back.

LOOK FOR SEX TOYS THAT WILL MEET YOUR NEEDS

The truth is that the sex toy industry, for the most part, does not take the older consumer into consideration and marketing to those over 50 is unheard of. With thousands of sex toys on the market, it can be daunting to wade through and find something you will enjoy that will also work for your or your partner’s body. Betty’s staff can help you find something that will work for your particular needs. From our experience, here are some of the things we look for when selecting for folks over 50.

• Controls that are larger, light up, or are easy to see. Fun Factory is fantastic in all these categories.
• Toys with larger handles that are easier to maneuver like a Vibrating Wand
• Vibrators that are lighter and easy to maneuver like the Fin Finger Vibrator
• Straps that Velcro or snap rather than buckle like this Performance VS5 Cock Ring
• Penis enhancers that will stay on if you can’t get an erection like this Everlaster Stud Hollow Strap On which is firm and sturdy.
• Avoid penis enhancers made to just slip over your penis because they only work on an erect penis.
• Vibrators that don’t take a lot of grip or thrusting action. Womanizer clitoral pulsators are fantastic for this since you just place them and don’t require more than a gentle touch to keep it in place.
• Penis toys that don’t require an erection to use. Hot Octopuss Pulse toys are essentially vibrators for the penis and can be used without an erection, giving great options for folks with ED.
• Toys that aren’t too complicated to figure out easily. With advances in technology, some toys require reading a manual before you can figure out how it works, which is frustrating since manuals often contain very small print

READ UP FOR MORE GREAT IDEAS

At Betty’s we are always looking to help educate our customers so they can find the best possible products to enhance their sex lives. If you have an ideas for topics you would like to see us cover, feel free to email us at info@bettystoybox.com or subscribe to Betty’s Buzz to see all of our latest news. Here is just a sampling of topics we have covered in the past:

Betty's Best Sex Toys for Erectile Dysfunction 

How to Choose a Penis Extension or Enhancer

What Are Kegel Exercises & Why They’re Important For EVERY Body?

Frank Talk About Vaginas and Menopause

Betty's Guide to Lube or How to Stay Slippery When Wet