Menopause and Your Sex Life: What You Need to Know

Why are so few people talking about menopause and sex? After all, menopause is something that everybody who has ever had a period is going to experience at some point in their lives. It can have very real and significant effects on relationships, body image, and overall health, all of which will impact your sex life. So, what’s with the silence?

At Betty’s we aim to change that with conversation about how to have a happy and healthy sex life during and after menopause. Here are some of our recommendations on how to work around, work with, and accommodate some of the challenges faced during menopause and find pleasure. 

VAGINAL DRYNESS – DISCOMFORT WITH PENETRATION

These two symptoms are often caused by decreased estrogen production and lessened blood flow in the vagina. They are incredibly common. A couple of things to try 

• A good quality, thick lubricant for lots of slide and cushion for penetration (Betty Recommends Wicked Simply Hybrid Jelle Lubricant)
• A daily vaginal moisturizer to maintain ongoing comfort (Betty Recommends Good Clean Love Bio Match Restore Moisturizing Aloe Based Vaginal Lubricant)
• A penetration buffer can be used on sex toys or a penis to control penetration depth (Betty Recommends Ohnut Set of 4 Wearable Penetration Adjustment Rings)
• If you use an internal vibrator, switch to something smaller and/or softer (Betty Recommends Zen Matcha Waterproof Silicone Mini Vibrator)
• Try warming your sex toys before penetration by submerging them in warm water or using a toy heating sleeve (Betty Recommends Warm Sex Toy Warming System)

LOSS OF SENSITIVITY – TROUBLE REACHING ORGASM

Maybe you have always been easily orgasmic and now it’s a struggle, or maybe what used to work doesn’t do the trick anymore. This is incredibly common, so be kind to your body and know you’re not alone. Here are some tips you can try

• If you love manual masturbation (with your hands and fingers) try adding lubricant to your routine so longer sessions will be more comfortable (Betty Recommends Sliquid Organics Silk Lubricant)
• If you have never used a vibrator, try adding one to either your solo or couple play for additional stimulation (Betty Recommends Gaia Eco Love Powerful Bullet with Texture Sleeve & Finger Grip)
• If you are a regular vibrator user, try a different style or power level. If vibration is no longer working, you can try an air pulsation style clitoral vibrator instead (Betty Recommends We-Vibe Melt Rechargeable Pleasure Air Clitoral Stimulator)

JOINT STIFFNESS OR SORENESS 

It is incredibly frustrating when you can’t get into a position you enjoy or maintain it for long enough to find pleasure. Sore hands can really hamper your ability to masturbate manually and hold a vibrator. Some things you can try:

• Use a position bolster to help you achieve positions you now struggle to maintain. There are lots of sizes and shapes for different needs. (Betty Recommends Liberator Wedge and Ramp Combo Sex Positioning Cushions)
• Look for vibrators with long, curved handles that will work with your body. Betty’s has a great selection of accessible vibrators listed under Mobility Aids and Accessible Toys (Betty Recommends Dame Com Ergonomic Waterproof Wand Vibrator)

URINARY INCONTINENCE – PEEING WHEN YOU SNEEZE

Not specific to menopause, leaking or peeing becomes more common as we age, and our pelvic floors lose strength. If you are noticing it happening more frequently, speak to your doctor and you can try some of these tips at home

• Practice doing Kegel exercises which strengthen your pelvic floor and help keep with leakage. As an added bonus, Kegel exercises keep that blood flowing in the vaginal walls, keeping them more supple and healthy.  (Betty Recommends Wellness Kegel Ball Training Kit for Pelvic Floor Health)
• Vaginal wipes are wonderful for keeping fresh and clean when leaks do occur. Look for wipes that are pH balanced and gentle.  (Betty Recommends Dame Aloe Infused Intimate Body Wipes

DECREASED LIBIDO – NOT WANTING SEX

It is understandable that changes in our bodies can bring changes in our libidos and if you are experiencing menopausal symptoms, it can be incredibly difficult to get ‘in the mood.’ We always recommend you speak to your doctor about how you are feeling, and, in the meantime, you can try some of these helpful tips. 

• Talk to your partner about trying something new like a sensual massage with oils or massage candles, with no expectation of sex (Betty Recommends Exsens Strawberry Flavored Warming Massage Oil)
• Explore your body without orgasm as a goal. Include a vibrator and caress your nipples, neck, ears, etc. and just enjoy the sensation (Betty Recommends Wellness Palm Sense Vibrator with Finger Hold
• Try a clitoral stimulation gel to kick start your arousal. These products contain small amounts of ingredients that heat, cool, or send tingles to the clitoris and increase blood flow. (Betty Recommends Blossom Organics Aloe Based Natural Clitoral Arousal Gel)