Collars in BDSM: How and Why to Use Them with Tawney

Why are collars used in BDSM? What do they mean and why are they used? Join sexpert Tawney for a look at the meaning and use of these beautiful accessories. 

You can check out all of Betty's amazing kink, BDSM, and fetish gear by clicking on the image below!

Video Transcript

Hey everybody, it’s Tawney Seren again with Naughty Betty’s, and today we're going to talk about marks of ownership in form of collars.

So if you are fairly new to BDSM, or even if you are a, you know, kind of intermediate player, collars are a very very beautiful valuable thing that's given from a dom to a submissive, and in a lot of cases it's akin to wearing say a wedding ring, where if you see someone with a collar it's safe to assume that they are owned.

But what is some of the, you know, etiquette and mentality around that? So first of all, this is a beautiful beautiful gift and should never be taken lightly. It's not something that you necessarily get yourself if you are in one of these situations, and there's different sort of levels of collars that you can get.

So you can get like a very basic collar that is very discreet, that others may not, you know, really know what it is right away -- something that's kind of more of just a light gift between or to a gift of ownership. You can also get a sort of lifestyle one: you can get a posture collar that will kind of force your head up and is much thicker. You can get one with a leash if you are kind of a little bit more into pet play, which we will go into in the next video.

But collars in general are a beautiful beautiful gift. Now, never touch someone's collar without asking them first. This is something that is deeply personal, and too often we see people that will run up and kind of grab something, like that's so pretty, let me look at it! But this is really a -- it has a deeper meaning to both the wearer and as well as their master, or, you know, or dom or talk if they are around whatever it is that you do call the person that's kind of been given the power in that relationship.

Now a collar could be something that's given for maybe an anniversary, could be something that's given for a new stage in the BDSM relationship. So if you're kind of going from a casual, you know, dom on sub sort of setting to something that's more lifestyle or a marriage of sorts, with that you can definitely give a different collar.

There are hundreds of different collars to choose from: ones that are a bit more discreet that you can wear out in public, and you, maybe if you don't want to answer a lot of questions, or if, you know, you want to kind of go a little bit under the radar. There are some that just look like necklaces. There are some again that are much larger, and are going to kind of force your head up and make it very very obvious. Some that have cute little sayings, and I've included links down below of several that you can find at Naughty Betty's that may kind of fit the bill for you.

But it's important to understand that they're not something to be taken lightly. A collar is a very deeply personal connection that you are getting from your dom or that you are giving to your submissive, and a beautiful gift. And oftentimes it is the submissive in the relationship that wears the collar, although I've come across many couples that enjoy having matching collars.

So really this is about how you define it in your relationship. As long as you understand that this is a beautiful thing … this is … I wouldn't take off my wedding ring and throw it at my husband and go like no I don't want to wear this anymore. Like when you accept a collar, and you are wearing it out in public, and you're doing that, oftentimes you are wearing it 24/7.

Although sometimes in a few situations you can get that and you can only wear it maybe during sex, or maybe you choose to wear it only when you're going to play parties. These are all things that you discuss with your partner, and based on the intensity of the collar, based on what it means to you two, you can then navigate the rules about wearing it: when and where and for how long as well.

So collars are absolutely fantastic! Again, please don't ever go up to someone's collar and grab it. Don't ever shame someone for having it. It's a beautiful way of saying I am owned, I am proudly owned, and it is something that I hope more and more people get comfortable wearing.

So whether you're looking for one just for your everyday wear, or you're looking for one for the bedroom, check out the links down below. And I hope that this has kind of, you know, talked you into grabbing one for your submissive or perhaps asking for one from your dom, and seeing what needs to happen before you can earn it.

So have so much fun! Enjoy your collar, and thank you all so much for joining me

and Naughty Betty's. Bye!