Mutual Masturbation: Fun for Everyone by Jaimee Bell

Jaimee Bell is a freelance kink writer and audio porn producer based in Europe. Jaimee specializes in BDSM education, sexual wellness, and psychology. Currently working with BLOOM, Lustery, Betty’s Toy Box, and more.  

Mutual masturbation is pleasure guaranteed. 

Getting to know your lover’s body if you’re new to dating can be a learning process, and spicing things up when you have been together for a long time can be daunting. Mutual masturbation offers a fix for both of those situations. Allowing your partner to help you masturbate can give you an opportunity to tell them (in a fun, dirty talk way) what you like and how you like it. Watching your partner masturbate in front of you can give you a front row seat to their pleasure and teach you how they like to be touched.

It promotes dirty talk, which we could all use a bit more of. 

Dirty talk is another one of those things that can feel a bit awkward to begin. Where do you start? What do you say? Communication as a form of dirty talk is one of the sexiest parts of mutual masturbation. Not only are you using language and a tone of voice that’s likely driving your lover crazy, but you’re also giving them helpful information on how best to please you. It’s a win-win! 

It’s basically live action porn. 

Whether you like reading, watching or listening to porn, I think we can all agree that actually watching someone pleasure themselves in front of us is a whole new level of erotic entertainment. Additionally, if porn has ever been a sore spot in your relationship, this can be a great alternative.

It’s taboo-smashing. 

The idea that masturbation should be this shady little secret we all have is so 1900s. Pleasure is an important part of sexual and mental wellbeing for a lot of people. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, there’s no reason it needs to be done in secret, and there’s actually so much fun to be had from sharing this activity with partners.

It can be foreplay or the whole event, you decide. 

Using mutual masturbation as a way to really rev each other up until the point where you can’t control yourselves anymore and have to have sex is quite a steamy experience. Otherwise, mutually masturbating to climax and being able to watch your partner’s facial expressions and body movements while they experience pleasure is something you will never forget.

How to get started with mutual masturbation…

Set the scene.

Candles, music, comfortable bed sheets that will need to be changed immediately after you’ve both finished - what a scene. Creating a romantic, fun, casual environment can ensure everyone is feeling happy, horny and relaxed. 

Keep expectations in check. 

Don’t build this up to be something more than it is, but also don’t disregard how fun and fulfilling this can be - it’s a delicate balance. You don’t want to put too much pressure on the evening. You want to be able to enjoy your time exploring yourselves and each other. Climaxing and penetrative sex isn’t the end goal here - the end goal is mutual pleasure, that’s all. 

Check in with each other throughout. 

Again, using dirty talk, you can check in with each other to gauge how the other person is feeling. Phrases like “you like that?” and “does that feel good?” are great to use here. Additionally, letting your partner know that you’re having a good time can also be helpful, with phrases like “I really like watching you…” or “It feels so good when I do this.”

I’ll say it again: orgasms aren’t the end goal. 

Pleasure for pleasure’s sake is something that often gets lost in the rush of sex or the haste of masturbation. Taking time and truly experiencing and enjoying the pleasure you’re giving or receiving can be really wonderful. 

It’s okay to laugh and be awkward.

Look - masturbation is something that has been secretive and private for literal ages. It’s okay to feel a bit awkward, it’s okay to giggle, it’s okay to tell your partner that you’re nervous. All of those things are valid and part of the process. One of the benefits of mutual masturbation, aside from the pleasure, is the notion of removing the stigma we have about masturbating. Masturbation is not bad, it’s not unhealthy, and in most cases it’s not damaging to the relationship. It can actually be a very healthy form of self-expression that can be shared with others shame-free.

Conclusion: mutual masturbation is fun for everyone. 

I’m not going to say “we should all try it” but…maybe we should. Destigmatizing masturbation, giving yourself pleasure, watching your partner experience pleasure and honing your communication/dirty talk skills all sound like a pretty great Friday night to me.

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